What does Hollywood want with old arcade games?
Movies based on Space Invaders and Asteroids may soon be assaulting our multiplex screens. For God’s sake why?
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Super Mario Brothers
An Italian plumber travels through a brightly-colored fantasy world collecting coins and mushrooms. He crushes turtles and goombas to death in order to rescue a princess from being raped by a dinosaur who pilots an airship. Flowers make him shoot fireballs from his hands and he also has a raccoon suit, a mechanical boot, and a dinosaur mount. It’s pretty much anything goes.
I’d love to find out what they were smoking when they came up with this.
An Italian garbage man must jump over barrels, climb ladders and girders, and collect hats, parasols, and purses in order to keep a princess from being raped by a giant monkey named Donkey.
Again, insane idea that I’d love to hear the background on. And where does he keep getting all these barrels? Is there a barrel factory up there or something?
That same plumber from before wants to party with you, and this time the dinosaur and gorilla, rather than eating you and raping the Princess, have agreed to follow the rules of a board game in order to determine a victor. The gorilla even puts on a tie.