How the CIA Vets the Syrian Rebels

CIA Agent: Come in please, I’m agent Johnson and this is agent Johnson. And you are?

Syrian rebel: Mohamed Asa’ad.

CIA Agent: Asa’ad? Like the president?

Syrian rebel: No, no, in Arabic it’s different, it’s Asa’ad, not Assad.

CIA Agent: It sounds the same to me.

Syrian rebel: No, it’s Ayen, not A, say Ayen. Asa’ad.

CIA Agent: Assad.

Syrian rebel: No, you’re not doing it right. Asa’ad.

CIA Agent: ok, never mind, I’ll call you Mohamed. Would you like a beer?

Syrian rebel: No, thank you.

CIA Agent: Is that for religious reasons?

Syrian rebel: No, but it’s 9 in the morning and I have a long day ahead.

CIA Agent: So you do drink beer?

Syrian rebel: Beer, whiskey, vodka, whatever. Although I drive the tank so I have to watch my drinking.

CIA Agent: What do you think of drugs Mr…er, Mohamed?

Syrian rebel: I tried some marijuana at college but I didn’t inhale.

CIA Agent: Is that for religious reasons?

Syrian rebel: No, I got a little bit nauseous to be honest and didn’t want to look soft. Have you had any?

CIA Agent: I’m the one asking questions. So are you a jihadi?

Syrian rebel: Ha, clever one. You nearly tripped me up there.

CIA Agent: So you are?!

Syrian rebel: No, that was a joke. Do you people not get sarcasm?

CIA Agent: We are trained to respect all cultures. It’s not something we do, but we will respect your right to be sarcastic. But please keep it to a minimum because it makes our job difficult.

Syrian rebel: This is going to be harder than the mukhabrat interrogation.

CIA Agent: What does that mean?

Syrian rebel: Sarcasm again.

CIA Agent: oh, I see. So I notice you have a beard, is that because you are a salafi?

(...)

CIA Agent: No, I don’t know him either. So would you shave your beard?

Syrian rebel: I don’t know, would you grow a ponytail?

CIA Agent: It’s against CIA regulations.

Syrian rebel: Sarcasm, again. Sorry.