publishedmedium:the onion

  • Why Futurism Has a Cultural Blindspot - Issue 28: 2050

    In early 1999, during the halftime of a University of Washington basketball game, a time capsule from 1927 was opened. Among the contents of this portal to the past were some yellowing newspapers, a Mercury dime, a student handbook, and a building permit. The crowd promptly erupted into boos. One student declared the items “dumb.” Such disappointment in time capsules seems to run endemic, suggests William E. Jarvis in his book Time Capsules: A Cultural History. A headline from The Onion, he notes, sums it up: “Newly unearthed time capsule just full of useless old crap.” Time capsules, after all, exude a kind of pathos: They show us that the future was not quite as advanced as we thought it would be, nor did it come as quickly. The past, meanwhile, turns out to not be as radically distinct (...)

  • Actu israélienne : « Quand la satire devient la réalité » (The Onion équivalent du Gorafi)

    Reality and satire often correspond with each other. But sometimes they actually intersect.

    Consider the report that appeared in Haaretz on July 15. According to the report, which quoted a senior U.S. official, U.S. President Barack Obama has spoken to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on the phone and, in the wake of the deal on Iran’s nuclear program, had offered to begin immediate talks about upgrading the Israel Defense Forces’ offensive and defensive capabilities.

    Haaretz’s headline: “After Iran deal, Obama offers military upgrade to help Israel swallow bitter Iranian deal.”

    Now consider the report from online satirical newspaper The Onion, published just a day before: “Following Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s heated objections to the nuclear deal struck between the United States and Iran,” the report wrote, “American officials announced Tuesday that they were calming the upset head of government by treating him to a nice, big shipment of ballistic missiles.”

    The Onion’s headline: “U.S. Soothes Upset Netanyahu With Shipment Of Ballistic Missiles.”

  • Karl reMarks: The Onion to Sue Lebanon for Making Its Headlines Look Reasonable

    It emerged today that the American satirical magazine The Onion is to sue Lebanon for unfair competition practices and for making its headlines look totally reasonable. The Onion is demanding millions of dollars in compensation, claiming that the small Mediterranean country has ‘ruined the business of writing satirical headlines’. The magazine’s claim refers to a ‘sustained campaign of nonsensical but nevertheless real headlines’ over a number of years, during which Lebanon, ‘went out of its way to make The Onion’s headlines look ordinary by comparison.’

    The straw that broke the camel’s back was Lebanon’s adoption of a new electoral law that requires members of each sect to vote for candidates from their sect only. A senior staff member at The Onion, Andy Mitchell, revealed the pressure that the magazine’s writers have been under in an interview earlier today. “How can we possibly satirize that? Anything we will come up with will look extremely normal. This is fucking insane.”