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Managing an anxiety disorder in academia is a full-time job

“The thought of speaking at conferences fills me with panic and the lack of job security is a constant worry (....) Academic life frequently triggers anxious thoughts and feelings connected to my APAs: approval, perfectionism, control, vulnerability and dependency. High-pressure events – such as giving a paper at a conference or a job interview – prompt worry and stress (as they do for almost everyone), but it’s the meaning attached to those events that fuels excessive anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. I’m an approval addict. As a professional, I know that appraisal and critique are central tenets of scholarly life, but as a person, receiving and giving criticism is difficult and uncomfortable. I can blind-review a journal paper just fine, but I dread assessing students’ assignments or being asked questions at conferences. My rational mind tells me that I can handle it, but the anxious part interprets questions as hostile actions designed to expose me as a fraud.”