Delighted Health Insurance Executives Gather In Outdoor Coliseum To Watch Patient Battle Cancer - The Onion
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According to reports, the policyholder, who was equipped with limited resources of his own during the fight, immediately faced the punishing and grave challenge of successfully submitting claims for a preliminary consultation with an out-of-network oncologist. As a slew of taunts and jeers rained down from the hordes of health insurance professionals, sources said the increasingly weary combatant suffered a crushing blow upon receiving a $60,000 bill for one week of inpatient care that exceeded his plan’s hospitalization coverage limit.
A tense hush reportedly fell over the arena moments later when a CT scan showed the cancer on the brink of remission, though the stadium soon erupted into emphatic cheers when the patient was not approved for further sessions of targeted chemotherapy that were deemed “medically unnecessary.”
“He’s putting up a pretty strong fight, but they really need to put an end to this soon—he’s starting to cost way more than he puts into his annual policy,” Humana executive vice president James E. Murray said as the patient, after making notable progress in obtaining a referral from his primary care physician, was instantly bombarded with an overwhelming barrage of indecipherable paperwork required to justify a follow-up appointment at his radiation therapy clinic.